Great Motivation to Reach Goal by Christmas!

Posted August 11, 2009 * Comments(7)
File under: Christmas, Goals, Motivation, Weight Loss

It is almost eerie how, almost immediately after I wrote that I could potentially reach goal weight by Christmas, I received an extra shot of motivation to do just that!  I got an email from one of my brothers, offering to pay my way back to my hometown to see him, my mom, and my other brothers this Christmas. 

We all scattered after we left high school and haven’t all lived in even the same country for years!  I am so excited.  I just saw my mother a few months ago, and she didn’t say anything, but I could tell she is concerned about how much weight I have gained.  I’d love to show up at Christmas all thin and healthy and fit, and surprise her! I haven’t seen my brothers in years.  Growing up, I was fat, and my weight has yo-yo’d radically as an adult.  I’d really like to be a strong, fit, healthy new me when I see them instead of feeling embarrassed and wondering how ashamed they are of their fat sister. 

I have a lot of work to do before then!  I have to lose 40 pounds and tone up and chisel out the body I know is under all this fat :)  I really, really want to step off that plane feeling confident and beautiful.  This time, I swear I won’t let myself down. 

Goal weight by Christmas!

Posted August 6, 2009 * Comments(7)
File under: Christmas, Goals, Motivation, Support, Weight Loss

Yesssssss!  I just finished making a weight chart to write down my weight every Saturday from now until the end of the year, and I filled in my starting weight (172.5, per my weigh-in this morning) and my weekly goals, at a 2-pound-per-week loss.  That will put me at goal weight, 130 pounds, the day after Christmas :)

I saw that and just started smiling.  What better Christmas gift could I give myself than a healthy, fit, strong body? 

I have been so depressed and angry and disgusted and frustrated for so long that feeling excited about that was like a jolt.  Helloooo, what is this?  Finally feeling like I can REALLY do this? 

After outlining my goals in last night’s post, I signed in this morning and had my first booster note, and such a simple thing made me so happy!  I’ve buried myself in self-doubt and insults.  A comment from someone else made me realize that someone who has never met me has more faith in me than I do, and I need to fix that.

Next I’m going to make a list of rewards, maybe for every 10 pounds lost, to keep my sights on something short-term and work toward something I want. 

I just love the idea of a new me for Christmas!!!

My Long Term Goals and Revenge Motivation

Posted August 5, 2009 * Comments(3)
File under: Goals, Motivation, New start, Weight gain, Weight Loss

After work today I surprised myself by remembering where my sports bras and sneakers are kept and actually finding my way to the elliptical trainer without needing to leave a trail of breadcrumbs to find my way back.  I spent 20 minutes sweating and feeling really out of shape, but I am so glad I finally broke the barrier and finally exercised!

So where do I go from here?  I need a plan.  Okay, I’m starting at 172, probably gained some this week due to slacking and pigging out, but I’ll find that out on Saturday.  My goal weight is 130 pounds. There are 5 months until the end of this year and roughly 21 weeks, not counting the rest of this week.  At 2 pounds per week, there is no reason I should not be at my goal weight before the end of this year.

I have a lot of reasons I want to lose this weight, not the least of which being I reached goal weight last year and loved it.  I loved how I looked, how my boyfriend looked at me, loved feeling the muscle on my body and how it felt to slide on cute clothes and look good in them.  I let it all go and just piled the pounds back on so fast.  I hate feeling like a failure, and I hate being fat.

More than that, I hate knowing there are certain people in my life who are absolutely delighted I gained the weight back.  There are people near me who are thrilled to see me still gaining weight, eagerly anticipating me maxxing out over 200 pounds again.

I won’t get into specifics because they are not worth the attention, but I will admit that part of my motivation is making these people eat their words.  I was recently told that one of these people called me a ‘fat asshole’.  It didn’t hurt my feelings since this person is essentially rotten clear through to her soul, but I vow this to myself: she will, before the end of this year, have to look at me in my newly earned size 6-8 body and remember calling me fat. 

By the end of November, when the kids start some sports activities I will be attending, I’d like to be in the 150’s.  That’s about 20 pounds in 12 weeks.  Then before they start their winter activities around January, I should be sporting my new, goal weight body and feeling strong as ever.

After finally moving this evening and realizing that working out didn’t kill me, I want to take this all the way.  I want to be healthy, strong, fit, beautiful, and prove to myself and everyone else that oh yes, I will be thin again.  Bet on it!

Today is my day

Posted August 5, 2009 * Comments(6)
File under: New start, Weight gain

What is the point to keep on doing what I have been doing, when all it does is lead me to gain weight, get more and more out of shape, and fall deeper into not liking myself and more and more self-disgust?  The place I get to mentally when I am overweight is certifiably insane!  I am making myself horribly unhappy, but I refuse to quit doing things that just hurt me and my body…what is the sense in that?

I hate being overweight, yet each day I toss aside my goals and dreams, and I overeat, chug soda, and refuse to work out.  It’s stupid.

But I didn’t come here this morning just to put myself down.  Today I am putting on the brakes and stopping this silly, crazy nonsense. If I want to lose weight, wishes aren’t going to get me there.  Making better decisions and actually taking care of myself will.

When I get home from work today, I am going to change clothes as soon as I walk in the door and work out.  I don’t care if it’s 10 minutes.  I don’t care if it’s aerobics or weights or pacing the ceiling or playing hopscotch.  Come hell or high water, this evening I will move my body and start shaking off the rust and the dust so I can get in shape and rediscover a strong, fit body (and mind).

Frustrated and starting over

Posted August 4, 2009 * Comments(3)
File under: New start, Weight gain, Yo yo dieting

Hi!  I am very frustrated with myself because after losing a lot of weight, I gained almost all of it back so fast it made my head spin.  I am tired of yo-yo dieting, losing then gaining then losing, and the toll it has taken on how I feel about myself.  Not to mention the toll it is taking on my health.

I wanted a new start, a new account here, a fresh slate.  The last few weeks I have been slacking and overeating, and it’s time to put my foot down and turn this around before I end up right back at my original starting weight! 

I’m at 172 right now and am determined to reach 130 again.  It feels like a world away, but I just need to set my mind to this and get to it already!